The Onion gets serious?

Yep, it's exactly like that.

According to authorities, the hundreds of individuals, all of whom have a prior history of sociopathic and harmful behavior, were seen entering the U.S. Capitol Building at approximately 10 a.m. this morning, at which point officers promptly arrived on the scene and secured the area.

Citizens in the D.C. area, and across America, are being urged to stay vigilant as officials attempt to ascertain the precise nature of the threat these individuals pose.

“While we cannot say at this time what they want, these men and women are ruthless, highly dangerous, and are not to be trusted under any circumstances,” said D.C. police officer Ted Wallerman, who said law enforcement officials would continue to monitor the known sociopaths throughout the day. “Unlike normal human beings such as you or I, these individuals are essentially incapable of experiencing remorse for their actions, so there’s no telling what insane ends they’ll go to in order to satisfy their lust for power.”

Damn, the Onion's becoming a real news organization.  Who knew?